Annoyed Fish

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
12drakon
writing-prompt-s

You’re the most recognised and internationally praised superhero, but you don’t fight any crime. Instead, you use your powers over stone and metal to repair the damage caused by the catastrophic fights other heroes get into.

fakecrfan

They didn’t call you a superhero when you started. You didn’t claim to be one, either. 

You didn’t have a costume or a sponsor or training or anything like that. You were just a kid who had just seen your entire world knocked down. So, in a moment of childish determination and belief, you thought you could fix it all. 

The first emergence of your powers wasn’t a huge triumphal moment. Moving stone and earth and steel doesn’t matter if you don’t know anything about how to stack things up so they don’t fall back over again. 

Your first attempts crashed right back down again. That was your first lesson. 

Even when you got good at what you did, they didn’t call you a superhero. 

You still didn’t have a costume, but you’d gotten your hands on every architectural diagram you could and done plenty of practice. Then you started to show up to the aftermath of battles and put them quietly together again. 

But it still wasn’t right. You couldn’t do much if you didn’t have the diagrams for the buildings demolished–if the city planners didn’t let you have them.

So you stitched together a costume, something bright and colorful that would grab the attention of the cameras on the scene afterward as you tried to work. 

“Look! Someone’s putting those houses back together!” 

The effect was instantaneous. The moment you’d grabbed public attention, there were requests for interviews, think pieces–each giving you a platform to ask for the help you needed. 

This was your second lesson. 

You didn’t call yourself a superhero, or come up with the name yourself. You were never really good about all of those things. But once the attention was on you, you got offers from managers and sponsors. One, a blonde with perfect hair who introduced herself as “just Sandy” 

“I don’t have any money.”

“That’s alright,” she said, her grin showing spectacularly white teeth. “All I need is for you to take on some gigs and give me a cut.” 

Sandy set you up. She got you the costume people would know you for, gave you the name, managed all of the PR and set up interviews. Your fame skyrocketed, and soon you were seeing yourself on billboards. 

Soon you had access to hundreds of city plans and blueprints. After enough attacks happened, you learned them well enough to hardly need to reference them. After a few years, you could rebuild a tower in a matter of minutes, and cities in a matter of days. 

Your powers evolved as your understanding did. Soon, you could read the entire layout of a building just from touching. Then, just from touching the ruins. You no longer need blueprints, then–just your own hands on the metal.

The gigs were simple, too–just fixing up hero bases after they’d gotten wrecked in attacks. Feel good work that paid well. 

With the help of many people, you do more. That’s the third lesson.

The problems started with the homeless thing. 

You were in between projects and itching to use your skills more. Creating homes for the homeless seemed like the perfect, feel good project to flex on. 

It was, for the first few weeks. Then came the backlash. City dwellers crying foul, saying they hadn’t agreed to an enormous den of undesirables in their backyards. There were protests, white suburban moms holding up signs about drug dealers and rapists and criminals. 

It wasn’t your choice in the end. Eventually the city mandated that you deconstruct your shelter, or they would do it the hard way. 

Regretfully, you took it down. You did not look in the eyes of the people that had sheltered there as they had to go on their way.

It was the same story in every area you tried to build shelters in afterwards.

“Can we just buy the land to build them houses?” you asked Sandy. 

She clicked her perfect teeth. “Sorry, there are laws against building new things in the city. You need mayoral approval to start a new construction project.”

“Why?”

“Well, there are already too many empty houses,” she said matter of factly. 

You stared. “What? Then let’s just buy those and put people in them!”

“You don’t have that much money,” she pointed out. “Not when you’ve been giving it away every year. Also, it wouldn’t do as much good as you think. Just think of the effect on the market–”

This is not why you fired Sandy. But it was the first time you thought of it.

Opinion started to turn against you when you began using your interviews and platform to talk about this problem, to demand permission to build or otherwise help. Exasperation turned to hostility when you started to reshape the landscape to be softer to the unhoused, anyway–when you created caves in parks where people could easily shelter, or made every bench large and soft so that anyone could have a place to sleep.

Laws and ordinances passed, all regulating the amount of alterations one was allowed to make to public property. About how many changes you were allowed to make as you were reconstructing a city. The fines for altering things started to heap up. 

Firing Sandy didn’t help. Your good reputation was always as much her work as yours, but after what she said about—you couldn’t. 

You couldn’t. 

You learned not to read the scathing opinion pieces on you. That was the hardest lesson yet.

Of course, shit really hit the fan when you were contracted to rebuild another base.

It was a simple enough decision for you. You found out they had been building drones and firing them on civilians. That at this base Techno has been building surveillance technology that would be able to monitor every single person in the country at every moment, and be able to fire upon them with impunity the moment suspicious activity was detected. 

It made you rethink every base you had built in the past.

“No,” you told them. 

“You already signed your contract–”

Instead of dignifying that with an answer, you transmuted the entire area into the rockiest, most impossible terrain you could. Every trick you had learned to make land easier to build on–you reversed it, turning what had once been the base into a precarious canyon of jagged, diamond-hard steel, nearly impossible to remove or build on.

“I said no.” 

Stopping the construction of the stadium was the next kicker. 

“You’re insane!” said the heroes who came to remove you.

“They evicted a hundred families for this!” you spat. “Those were people’s homes. It’s disgusting that it’s allowed for the government to do that–much less to do it for-for a stadium? For entertainment?” 

And so you stood there for the next 48 hours, deconstructing every single thing they tried to put on their ill-gotten land. 

Then, they sent the heroes to stop you. You were never the best at fighting, so they knocked you out quickly.

They don’t call you a superhero now. Behind bars, you glance over every thinkpiece and profile about the world’s most beloved hero fell. You read speculation about evil, greed, madness. All things you’ve heard about “villains” who came before you. 

It makes you wonder about those people. If maybe you had misjudged them, too.

But that’s alright, you realize after the sting of it fades away. That was the second lesson, after all–more than anything, you need people to be talking. And for all the bitterness in these words, you realize grimly that people will never stop talking.

Once you’ve thought things through, you decide you’re ready. The steel of your cell melts away. After all, there is no prison that can contain you. No earth or stone or metal can withstand your will. 

Your legacy as the world’s greatest supervillain begins with a left turn down the hallway, right to where the other villains are kept.

Source: writing-prompt-s
modern fairy tales not actually but similar idea superheroes fresh superhero takes
rikmach
probablyfunrpgideas

Play a warlock character who calls himself Vithimorex or something like that. Always mention how grateful you are to your patron, Frank, for the wondrous powers he gives you.

Slowly reveal that the powers you get from Frank are things like “sense of smell” and “verbal communication”. As it turns out, Vithimorex is an extradimensional Thing possessing the person formerly known as Frank. All the eldritch blasts and shadow conjurations are boring powers according to Vithimorex. He can’t wait for the level 14 ability to understand and appreciate music.

probablyfunrpgideas

Also, I realized something about the name I made up, so here’s a song:

When the moon splits in two and your nightmares come true, Vithimorex...

When the world seems to bleed since the dead god was freed, Vithimorex...

dgcakes

I see somebody hit level 14

probablyfunrpgideas

This is the best response I’ve ever seen

rikmach

Meanwhile, Frank’s consciousness is enjoying learning how to wield Vithimorex’s godlike power and knowledge in a nearby parallel dimension.

Source: probablyfunrpgideas
DnD fantasy worldbuilding ish excellent
theveryworstthing
theveryworstthing

over on patreon Tama asked for: ‘Selkies who live in a lake rather than an ocean, like irl Baikal seals’ so here are some fresh water friends. a jolly trader stepping out for the day, a dancer trying on an algae-dyed skirt, a cocky wrestler in pre-match ceremonial garb, and a bab.

General Selkie Facts:

Selkies in the Small Guide universe are somewhere between mermaids and werewolves. Except it would be more accurate to call them were-humanoids. They’re born in seal form and their skin doesn’t loosen until their first molt approaches. After this molt they can usually  remove their seal-skin at will, though many go their whole lives without completely removing it and just vibe in their half transformed forms by loosening their skins (seen here). They keep them attached as faux clothing since they’re able to split and mold the loose skin as they please. Also, trying to find somewhere to to keep clothes when you live in or near the water your whole life is a pain. This does not hurt, as seal-skin is strangely gelatinous  when loose and its tactile sense is kinda garbage. Like, if you stomp on someone’s skin with all your might they will certainly feel it, but it’d probably take them a while to figure out that you’re gently pinching one of their weird flesh tentacles.

Also don’t do that. That’s weird. 

A seal-skin is a real living part of a selkie’s body and it doesn’t stop living when they completely take it off. It’s an organ, and it acts like one. All skins look kind of creepy without a person inside them, but some are worse than others. It’s just as likely that a skin will look like a deflated, gently pulsating, seal-shaped jelly monster as it will a roiling pile of random fur and flesh. When there’s no one to control its structure, anything goes baybeeeeee.

Keep reading

selkies modern fairytales fantasy worldbuilding oh! that's a thing monsters body horror ish
seananmcguire
jaded-ace-of-spades

Chocolate Sauerkraut Cake

randomslasher

This individual has quickly become the highlight of my day

jaded-ace-of-spades

#every time he makes something with an acidic ingredient#i know how its gonna end#the tomato soup one & this one:::::: the acid reacts with the baking soda & makes the cake fluffier#thats it#you make red velvet with balsamic vinegar for the same reason#thats why its so good#baking tip 1: add a half cup of sugar to pancake mix and youll make incredible perfect waffles bc sugar caramelizes and gets crispy#baking tip 2: add an acid to literally anything with baking powder and soda and alter the texture dramatically

**writing this shit down for future reference** @disparatepeace

disparatepeace

image

Originally posted by volodymyrovych

samusaurusrex

We have a sauerkraut festival in Ohio. You can’t taste the sauerkraut in baked stuff

jaded-ace-of-spades

But is it stringy?

macchiatowl

It’ll have a coconut texture.

jaded-ace-of-spades

Yeah.. I’m gonna have to pass on that. Because that’s the thing that turned me off about this recipe. Not because of the sauerkraut itself, but because of the texture it would give. I’m kind of getting used to the TASTE of coconut, but the texture? Hard pass.

derangedcynic

What if you run the sauerkraut through a food processor?

jaded-ace-of-spades

hmmm.. that would be an idea

Source: jaded-ace-of-spades
cooking baking b dylan hollis this guy's got good energy a lotta energy but good
creekfiend
headspace-hotel

totally random unsolicited opinion re: trans athletes in sports:

the central question, I think, is “why is sex THE ultimate characteristic by which we segregate athletes in sports?”

like, why do we see genitals as more defining than, I don’t know, height? Why is “biological sex” the only type of biological variation that means athletes must be grouped into Categories?

what I’m getting at here is like. people have bought into this weird idea that competition in sports can be made “fair,” and that a woman competing with a man is Unfair in a way that a 5’3” man competing with a 6’5” man somehow is not.

on average men do not have the same advantages and disadvantages that women have, but on average men who are 5’3” do not have the same ability to succeed at basketball than men who are 6’5”.

like, at its root, the bitching about trans athletes comes of viewing “biological sex” as a WAY more important and defining aspect of a person’s biology than any other. As being the PRIMARY way humans differ from one another.

headspace-hotel

Like. If you have your brain on straight you realize that the “biological differences” between male and female are “how much” differences rather than “yes/no” differences

that is to say, the average man is larger than the average woman, BUT there are women taller than the average man and there are men smaller than the average woman

even the most transphobic shithead has got to realize that like…chromosomes or whatever they’ve decided is ✨The✨ thing that defines gender do not DIRECTLY impact someone’s athletic ability, they just give them a better chance to win any of a number of lotteries determining advantageous physical characteristics

So…why are we grouping athletes by what we assume is their “biological sex,” rather than…those characteristics?

Why don’t men with different variations in testosterone levels compete in different categories, if higher testosterone gives you an inherent, fixed biological advantage?

More seriously, why don’t we have weight classes for different sports? Do men tend to be better on average at sports that privilege people who are larger and taller because they’re men, or because on average, men are larger and taller?

“A woman being made to compete with a man isn’t fair” implies that a woman being made to compete with another woman necessarily is fair.

…as if all the other reasons some athletes are better than others are not biological or innate at all…or like, there’s something special and evil about advantages that are perceived to link to “biological sex”

Also, precisely what attributes are advantageous is entirely different depending on the sport. But supposedly men are Biologically better at sports. All sports. Just. Sports.

Source: headspace-hotel
sports the Sports Discourse and some very reasonable suggestions
agatharights
rohirric-hunter

Ever since I got a job as a security guard I can’t take heist movies seriously anymore.

kansascity-marshwiggle

Why is that?

rohirric-hunter

Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.

The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.

The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.

The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.

The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.

The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.

The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.

The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.

The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.

kansascity-marshwiggle

This sounds like a great movie, honestly

Source: rohirric-hunter
heist movie ah yes human nature
spacebatisluvd
cruelfeline

My therapist tried to explain to me what it feels like for humans to need to be around other humans.

He asked me how I would feel if I could never see an animal again, and I was like "I would essentially die."

And he was like "yes, that's what it's like for people, but with other people!"

And while I know, logically, that this is true, I still can't help but feel like that must be a lie, because it is absolutely unthinkable to me that one might need to be around humans to survive.

It is such an alien thought that I cannot fathom it.

babyspacebatclone

The reverse helped me to grasp Prosopagnosia (face blindness).

If you don’t have it (and I don’t), you can’t really understand how privileged you are with having a facial shortcut.

But look at rocks.

image

image from link

Each one is different. If asked, you could describe any of those rocks.

But say I asked you to pick five rocks. Then I shake up the rock pile, and ask you to find those exact five again.

We’re not wired to memorize rocks. There is no cognitive short cut that lets us reduce multiple features to a single “item” to memorize.

Individuals with prosopagnosia lack the shortcut neurotypical individuals (in this regard) naturally have. Recognizing five people after meeting them once is as hard for them as it would be for me to find five rocks I’ve only had a minute to memorize.

It’s an actual cognitive wiring thing - scans can show the parts of the brain that don’t fire for individuals with prosopagnosia (either from birth or trauma) that are activated in neurotypical brains.

It’s the same for (using the most accessible terms) introverts and extroverts.

Their brains are fundamentally wired differently. What releases dopamine etc. for an extrovert does not fire for an introvert. Therefore, they have to process the surrounding information (and people are heavy information sources) and all that drain on physical mental resources without the feel-good reward.

On the other hand, introverts typically cultivate other feel-good release activities to compensate. It’s something they have to develop, instead of just being given it like society gives extroverts. Therefore, outside of information-overloading they tend to be better at stimulating their own sources of pleasure, while extroverts are more likely to have fewer pleasurable activities that don’t require others.

An individual with prosopagnosia would be much better at describing features of people outside the face (gait, posture, etc) than I would, because they’ve had to practice this skill more than I have.

You’ve developed very specific interests that reward your brain as it is wired, @cruelfeline . Other people get their rewards from different places, often more freely available in Western society, but at the cost of not honing alternatives.

Both are skills the other group can master. But it’s harder because the reward-to-stress is lower.

spacebatisluvd

...every time I log in to Tumblr, I feel like I’m given a new puzzle piece for my own brain.

I was unaware that prosopagnosia was under the neurodivergent umbrella. I’ve known that I probably had something wrong with my fusiform gyrus, but I didn’t think it was related to anything. Just a weird (and frustrating) quirk.

elidyce

Let me tell you, not recognizing faces until you’ve seen them a bunch initially makes watching certain things very difficult. I found historical K-Drama very difficult because all the guys have one of two hairstyles, one of three hats, identical beards, and half of them are in matching uniforms and hats. Spent the entire time asking my mother ‘which one is that talking now’, because they had taken away all the things I use to recognize different characters.

I also have trouble with modern stuff because they go from hair-over-face to cockatoo-pompadour for a fancy party and I’m all ‘MUM IS THAT THE SAME GUY HE LOOKS DIFFERENT’ ‘he changed his hair’ ‘I WISH THEY WOULD STOP THAT’. 

I am so bad at this that when I watched the trailer for the first Fantastic Four movie I was confused by the fact that Doom and Reed were apparently both played by the same man. (Matching hair). My party trick in high school was learning to identify all of the Backstreet Boys by name. It wasn’t easy, but my sister worked on it with me for months. My mother is currently trying to do the same thing. I remember nearly all the names of BTS and can reliably match almost two of them to faces. (I can usually recognize EITHER V or Suga but never both of them in the same picture I STG they change their hair for every single one) 

This is why I like cartoons. They don’t mess with my brain by changing their hair every five minutes. 

spacebatisluvd

Hair color. Hair style. Clothing. If any two of these things are the same in any movie or tv show, I will assume it’s the same character. And if any two change between scenes, I will assume they’re different.

Oh! Voice can help too! Distinct voices or speaking styles is so, so helpful.

...anybody else have trouble with photographs? Like. Being unable to identify a person in a photo unless they’re physically there for you to compare and contrast? It’s not a universal problem but it comes up a lot.

bettsplendens

A request for people making any sort of media: please color-code your different characters. More dyed hair, please. And stop hiring multiple generic-hot prettyboy white actors to play different characters, I cannot tell them apart. 

Source: cruelfeline
face blindness excellent metaphor